The Sooners last season: Overall 11 Wins – 2 Losses (8-1, 1st in the Conference). OU was good last year, damn good in fact. Conference leading defense – CHECK. Sent talent to the NFL for the umpteenth year – CHECK. Ranked non-Conference win on the road – CHECK. Indeed, Oklahoma had much of which to be proud. In contrast to these accolades, there were always whispers of doubt in the background. This seemingly harmless dissent from the fringe was born from a thoroughly embarrassing Red River Showdown loss to the most inept Texas team to take the field in a generation. Then there was OU’s escape from a dramatic 2nd half comeback by a Horned Frogs squad with more empty roster spots than a Cuban national team return flight. Few were surprised when Clemson fed the Sooners to a wood-chipper in the Orange Bowl. There are chairs in the balcony of the Ford Theater that haven’t seen such violence. Remember when it seemed like OU had a warehouse with row after row of Christian Okoye clones floating in giant glass cylinders? Remember when Sooner first round draft picks were as plentiful as Incubus hit singles? Remember all those great Oklahoma bowl performances in the Bob Stoops era? Wait, nevermind…
The Sooners this season: 1 Win – 2 Losses. Oklahoma returned 13 starters from last year’s #5 squad and was receiving a fair measure of pre-season hype heading into the opener against Houston. The Sooners were not ready for the task. Pushed around at the line of scrimmage, OU was held to 70 yards rushing and surrendered 5 sacks. The defense gave up 321 yards passing the year after averaging fewer than 200 per game in Conference. But this was an early game [insert reference to team growth anecdote here] and there would be plenty of time to recover. Win in Norman against an Ohio State team that flooded the NFL with nearly a dozen spares drafted 4 rounds too early and all would be right in the universe. That’s not what happened either. The Buckeyes “Oklahoma’ed” Oklahoma running for almost 300 yards before the final whistle. Ohio State had 11 penalties in the contest and still won by 3 touchdowns. This kind of thing isn’t supposed to happen to programs that keep convicted woman-batterers (An Alford plea is a guilty plea in criminal court) on the roster for incremental gains at a skill position.
*Personal shout out to the NCAA for maintaining an environment where an impoverished teenager can be denied eligibility for selling his autograph to eager fans, but a 6’1”, 225 lb. scumbag who punches a female on camera is a “team issue”. Sometimes I forget that even cannibalism gets a pass under the right set of circumstances.*
How the Frogs Stumble: I keep telling everyone at the Gumbel Brothers Fan Club meeting that Baker Mayfield was created in a secret European lab by experimentally combining DNA from one of Johnny Manziel’s discarded Pixy Stix with a denim jacket from Corey Feldman’s closet. MAnziel + FELDman. The evidence has been hiding in plain sight all along. What else would explain how one obviously talented college QB could be so actively annoying and overexposed at the same time? On occasion Mr. Mafel… err… Mayfield looks unstoppable on the field. At other times, his performance is clearly inferior to a chump who probably huffs 92 octane between rails of something called “Mars Base” and still managed to win the Heisman. The Frogs have closed the talent gap in recent years, but the Sooners are still a very talented team across the board. Even with a near shutout against SMU, the Frogs still give up an average of 25 points per game. If the Frogs get sloppy with penalties and dropped passes, it could be a long day. We can’t afford to give the Sooners any second chances.
How the Frogs Triumph: The Frogs need to initiate contact at the line of scrimmage before the Sooner running game achieves any momentum. We need to pressure Baker “Mayfield” while maintaining containment on the edge. How do we do this? Economists would call the solution a combination of causally ambiguous elements. How has El Al been flying out of Tel Aviv for 68 years and only have one plane hijacked? Some of the reasons are very subtle, some are obvious. Removing any access to the pilot’s compartment from the passenger cabin and giving the pilots a separate door was a pretty easy fix. Just like wrapping up when the Frogs tackle and limiting penalties. These goals are more mental than physical. In the end, this will resemble aspects of the Olympic rivalry between Carl Lewis and Ben Johnson. Certainly not in the way that one man, who sings with all the harmony of two mating alley cats, competes against another man who is pumped full of more Winstrol than American Pharoah (Mr. Bosworth… paging Mr. Bosworth). Instead, this competition is for who’ll cross the finish line with the most jewelry and who will have done it the right way.