Pregame: Turpin is warming up proving once and for all that legs CAN bend like that.
Q1 – 15:00 Twelve ounces of frosty deliciousness have me primed for this…
Q1 – 15:00 Gray fumbles the kickoff return and we’re in trouble already.
Q1 – 13:59 Not exactly how we drew it up. Mountaineers score and we’re down by 7.
Q1 – 13:22 Kyle Hicks runs the ball again. If he gets 30 carries today, I won’t be upset.
Q1 – 12:08 …Right on que, Kenny Hill telegraphs a throw and we’ve given up he ball twice in the first 180 seconds of the game.
Q1 – 11:39 This reminds me of the time I tried to light a BBQ with gasoline.
Q1 – Coach P’s mysterious psychic powers over opposing kickers is very useful here. WVU misses the FG and we’ve got the ball back down by a single score.
Commercial break: Trying to guilt me into holding your baby will earn you a first class ticket on the Throat Kick Express.
Q1 – 11:07 Just took a Flexeril because I’ve got some muscle tightness…
Q1 – 10:44 K Hill throws a long out to the opposite hash in the dirt.
Q1 – 10:34 We’re 113th in the country in penalties??? No reason why we should be competing with the Oakland Raiders in any category.
Q1 – 9:37 WVU making quick work of us with a TD throw. Though Dana Holgarsen looks like Ernie McCracken on the sideline right now.
Q1 – 8:49 [F WORD] Taj Williams makes the catch but comes up holding his knee. [F WORD]
Commercial break: I didn’t think Chick-Fil-A believed in science
Q1 – 8:17 Great Kyle Hicks cutback for the first down. We should probably give him the ball so that he can run it for yardage.
Q1 – 6:30 The first guy never brings Kyle Hicks down. Physically or emotionally.
I think Schlottman is German for “Pancake Block”
I wonder why this ref stopped repping for 7up.
Q1 – 4:15 And we’re on the board with a FG.
THEN THIS LAZY SCUMBAG OF AN ANNOUNCER rips off a talking point about how the Big 12 will be left out of the Playoff because we don’t have a championship game. Earn your check you fool. Try watching the games.
Q1 – That’s a fumble.
Q1 – 2:02 And the umpire makes the tackle. Going to be a long day for the Frogs if we’re 12 on 11.
Q2 – 15:00 Spectacular play by Kenny Hill to evade tacklers and complete for the first down. #InvisibleJuice
Dear Tiny Infant Jesus, Thanks for Taj Williams
Q2 – 12:53 And after 3 years of waiting, Tre Johnson just thumped someone.
Q2 – 12:20 Trill with a laser (Light Amplified By Stimulated Emissions of Radiation) for the score. Froggies only down by 4 right now. LET’S GO FROGS!
Broadnax’s center of gravity is below ground level.
Q2 – 10:37 WVU Skyler Howard (Do you name your male child Skyler if you don’t have enough meth dealers in the family?) throws for a touchdown to the wide open checkdown man. The real story here is more Frog penalties on the drive.
Q2 – 10:13 I don’t feel like that was targeting, because I don’t think the intent to injure was there, but I think he’s going to be gone. I would try to keep the player from getting the first down. He didn’t lead with his helmet.
Q2 – 7:03 WVU RB running hard. Could be a tough game if he gets going.
Q2 – 4:50 How about we run this Hicks character a little more?
Q2 – 3:00 4th & short. I think we should go for it, but we’re punting the ball. I’ll defer to #GMFP
Q2 – :54 WVU converts on 3rd & 13, now the Mountaineers are close to FG range.
How many of these announcers make a living calling games and don’t know the rules? Who is this d!psh!t? The ball didn’t get back to the line of scrimmage you colossal foreskin.
Q3 – 13:27 #GMFP JUST CHANGED HIS SHIRT. YEAAAAH.
Q3 – Then we immediately give up a deep ball. [F WORD]
More poor tackling is not going to get us back in this game kids…
Q3 – 8:05 Another intentional grounding call. C’mon Froggies, let’s capitalize.
The zombie nutria that is serving in place of Dana Holgorsen’s hair was not pleased with that call.
… and the Mountaineers convert the FG. The drinking shall continue.
Commercial break: I’d rather have an organ transplanted in Siberia than order a steak at Appleby’s
At least we didn’t give up 2 turnovers in the first 3 minutes of this game…
Bob Bowlsby on hand to stink the joint up. What a failure of a human.
Q3 – 6:05 Bad punt. WVU with good field position to open the drive. The drinking will continue.
Q3 – 4:59 TCU being pushed around at the line of scrimmage again.
Q3 – 2:36 We’re being outplayed. This is tough to watch.
WVU scores again with our DT held like a newborn in the nursery.
Q3 – :53 Gray with another terrible fumble. Second of the game. 3rd of the season. We handed this one to them gents.
Q4 – 8:40 We’re not playng very well. It’s not over yet, but we’ve got to turn up if we want a chance.
Q4 – 6:?? Announcers making small-talk. This sucks.
Q4 – 4:06 So much for Turpin warming up.
Q4 – 2:?? WVU kicks the short FG. Frogs down by 24.
AAAAAAAND SEWO is in the GAME!