Big 12 Roast via “The Night Before Christmas”

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Twelve,

Some schools would feel great, but others, not well.

 

The Longhorns rode high after that opening win.

All those fair weather fans wore their burnt orange again.

Soon it would end with Chuck sent on his way.

Because none of those recruits could actually play.

 

The Jayhawks were consistent, if nothing else.

They’d never let football get ahead of itself.

While there’s no such thing as a moral win,

Beating Texas will always absolve a few sins.

 

K State played well, like they do every year.

A tribute to Bill, with his retirement near.

Bill is a legend, with reputation roughhewn.

Whose autobiography is a film called Cocoon.

 

Red Raiders were ones who puffed out their chests.

Could young Pat Mahomes produce personal bests?

But instead that Tech defense would provide no such fix.

No one knew that the Cyclones could score 66.

 

The Cyclones were the Cyclones to no one’s surprise

The new coach in Ames with a glow in his eyes

It was not only optimism that faded so fast

Alums were just happy they didn’t finish dead last

 

Title hopes lingered for all Mountaineers,

They played well all season with Playoff hopes near.

Alas there was one hurdle that proved much too great,

They just can’t beat teams from the Sooner State.

 

The Pokes were a squad that is used to 10 wins,

And that prolific offense would do it again.

But the Committee would treat any slip-ups most cruel,

And they were punched in the mouth by a directional school.

 

The Sooners, down early, would finish strong.

Strange in the end, they’d swear nothing went wrong.

At the end, we saw their true colors unfurled.

They’ve got roster spots if you beat up young girls.

 

The Bears were old garbage just as everyone knew.

They’ve stunk up humanity more times than a few.

They’ve thrown lives away on little less than a whim.

And if God burned that town down, I wouldn’t blame him.

 

Of course there’s the Frogs, who gave it their best.

They often struggled, but would pass the test.

This season would leave most all wanting some more.

I’m excited next season and just what’s in store,

For the growing Frog faithful and for teams built just right,

A Merry Christmas to All, and to All and Good Night!

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